social distancing: week one

day one

day one came three days early. the text came as we raced to the door, the boys balancing school bags filled with lunch, snacks and water over their shoulders. it read in all caps - URGENT SCHOOL CANCELLED TODAY 3/13/2020. i gasped and came to an abrupt stop. the boys crashed into me in a domino effect that normally would have been hysterical. what’s wrong mama? they asked in unison. i said, school is closed. and they said, because of the virus? yes i said. and then took ten deep breaths while i tried to slow the heavy rotation of thoughts going through my head. maybe it was twenty. who the fuck knows.

the scary virus that always seemed too far away to have any real effect on my life just made itself at home in my living room. deleted my social calendar. shit canceled perhaps for the next six months. but i digress.

i tackled each thought one at a time. what about work? called my boss. definitely freaked him out. but i can work from home. NEXT.

crap. do we have toilet paper? perhaps not enough. and soap. we must need more soap. i make a list and round up the boys and go to ralph’s. wait shouldn’t i not be going anywhere? omg i knew i should have went yesterday before the self-proclaimed calm and rational folks started to wonder hmmmm. maybe everyone else isn’t overreacting. maybe i do in fact need TP. and soap. and some reassurance.

so i go to ralph’s. actually, i tried trader joe’s, target and smart & final but the parking lots were full. i kind of wish the lot was full at ralph’s too. it was a madhouse. i felt like i was on this f’ed up game show where i had to get the most items on my list before a loud obnoxious horn would blow and a very tan man handed me a check and said “congratulations sonia cheek! you are the winner of the cover-19 supermarket sweep!” if only it was like that.

the more time i spent surveying what was left and calculating what i should buy, the more anxious i got. the pushing and grumpy faces started to pile onto my anxiety like the bags of groceries i would be lucky enough to haul home. the aisles looked more and more sparse. the invisible germs on every freezer door handle and fought over food item began to jump out at me. it was a hall of horrors. i couldn’t find toilet paper. or soap. reassurance? NOPE. the only prize i got was a long line and two boys happy enough to kill time with the random assortment of toys available at a grocery store and the flower section on our left as the check-out line moved at barely a crawl. i hate this line but i love my boys so much. i'll be so happy when we get out of here and i can stop reminding them not to touch everything. and then i remind myself that that life is over.

we finally get out of there. two hours of my life. what next. home. i prepare a big bowl of health. gotta keep up our immunity they say. color. play. distract. text a million people. play clean eat. tell jokes. distract. text more people. read the news. how is this even happening? get email updates from the boys’ school. my brother asks if he should still come visit? it hasn’t hit him yet. mom says now is the time to buy TP. play eat go for a walk. we look for birds to feed. any sign of life really. knox takes it serious. max and i laugh a lot. it’s a weird time but we’re here for it. we have no choice.

play eat bath time. we have an all american dinner of vegetables and protein with tiny pints of ice cream for dessert. it’s delicious. i feel glad i panic shopped. we get ready for bed. we read our dinosaur encyclopedia. the boys are obsessed with velociraptors and relish the thrill and fear of an animal that preys on the babies of its own kind. they ponder what happened to all the dinosaurs - how such awesome creatures could just be gone. all gone. their eyes grow wide when we talk about the theories. the astroid caused a series of earthquakes and then tsunamis washed all dinosaurs out. we talked about cause and effect. fitting.

day two

hurray i have reinforcements! it’s saturday and josh is home. we say we’ll take the kids to the beach but mid-way decide to visit kenneth hahn park instead. it was a good move. we congratulate ourselves. the first of many props we give ourselves for navigating this new normal without killing each other.

we hiked. we played. maxwell had a panic attack when we climbed too high. knox moved all the tiny snails he encountered out of harms way, thereby saving them hours crossing the trail. it gave him so much joy. it rained off and on our entire stay. we saw maybe ten people. we saw birds and joked that one of the geese that bit knox the last time we were there was still out and about. we jumped off rocks. maxwell fell in the stream. we got a laugh. we played some more. we were like really happy. then we got hungry and left. things felt almost normal.

home for snacks and quiet time. and who am i kidding a coupe of beers. it’s after 12 and honestly does it matter anymore? we FaceTime with friends. then a scooter/bike ride to visit the neighbor fish and turtles. we say hi, we marvel at them. then we leave. we decided to make tacos but make it exciting and call it TACO NIGHT!! because in these unstable times the simplest things are the biggest things. also the boys are reading dragons love tacos on repeat. we’d give it five stars on amazon for sure.

we eat tacos and realize this is knox’s first taco ever. he realizes that perhaps maybe he always loved tacos and didn’t even know it. it’s a profound moment. and we are only on day two. could this be a good thing? one has to wonder.

after the boys go to bed i watch house hunters international. fitting.

PS - i’m partial to episodes that take place in the netherlands.

day three

well now what? at this point we have an idea of what’s next. but we don’t know when and for how long. things change by the minute. “fluid” they call it. we are inundated with information. everyone is no longer overreacting. everyone is still hoarding and i’m now very appreciative of our bidet. if we could give it TEN stars on amazon we would.

that much is certain. as for the uncertain, we chose to ignore if for the time being. instead we made clay animals, played loud music and just chilled before setting out for the only socially distant outdoor activity allowable: a hike. so a hike. but make it awesome. so a hike to the batcave we went. the air was crisp and the flowers wild and free. it was hard to believe there was a virus out there threatening my own freedom. sigh.

PS- knox kind of hates hiking. see evidence below.

the rest of the day was organized chaos. a trip to TJ’s for essentials. we procure half our list. reality hits. it’s starting to annoy me.

day four

on day four, like millions of other americans, i began working from home. it has it’s benefits. i stay in happy pants and drink coffee all day. i remember to eat lunch and try not to over think everything. the boys cut me some slack and mind pretty well. and then i feel bad being forced to stare from the other side of my office door and remind myself that I have to work when they show me their drawings and clay figures… i try not to get annoyed again. i think of my happy pants and let it go. the rest of day is pretty uneventful. the beginning of days blurring from one to the next.

day five

i know i said i wouldn’t but I start overthinking everything anyway. the stress starts to consume me. how many more days can this go on. deep breaths. the boys help me decorate my home office. it really helps.

it’s also st. patrick’s day. we eat green pancakes for breakfast and green potatoes for dinner. we color leprechauns. josh and max wear green. knox and i forget - we have no pride. we look at each other and chuckle.

day six

on day six I went on a delightful scooter/walk with knox. a lot of other crap happened but this is all i really want to remember from this day.

day seven

we find out the building i work in won’t let us return until may. MAY. the texts and phone calls start to come in. los angeles is now in “safer-at-home” mode. what does that mean? seconds later it’s not just LA but the entire state of california. not to mention the state of my mind. for our own sanity josh and i decide to end maxwell’s grounding sentence so that we can eat pizza and watch my neighbor totoro. did i mention maxwell was grounded? guess i didn’t. because that started back when things were so painfully normal. i miss normal. anyway, he was grounded from watching TV. it actually saved us. we have not netflix and chilled. we’ve been talking and playing and exploring and it’s been awesome. silver linings.

day eight

one full week. still finding a rhythm for homeschooling. still trying to remember to eat lunch but still stress eating almonds and Think! bars. i start to miss tennis. i miss my friends. we start planning more FaceTime calls. on our daily walk we pass a friend and her two boys in front of their fourplex. there is a shiny silver mylar balloon in the shape of the number 6. we say happy birthday and her son thanks us. a half smile half this really sucks. i think about maxwell’s birthday the following week. it most definitely cannot suck.

to be continued…