on being the only girl part 1.

of course in my head i always imagined myself having a girl. a mini me i would dress up in smaller versions of what i wear now. but cuter. way cuter. knee socks and clogs. saltwater sandals and floral dresses. TUTUS. 

but as you know fate had different plans for me. i am a proud mama bear to two fierce rough and tumble, rowdy and hilarious little boy cubs. and it's awesome. physically exhausting but awesome. this also means i am still the reigning PRINCESS up in this house. just don't tell my cats, maggie + lulu.

and i am completely 100% satisfied being a boymom. though i'd be lying if i said i never thought, well what if i had a girl? would i have really named her elle? what would she look like? how much fun would it be? probably so much fun. i could just picture our mother + daughter dates, not telling the boys where we were going, coming back hours later and it would be our GIRL SECRET. 

it's a pretty fantasy. it just isn't my reality. well, not exactly. i could still take off for hours with the boys. and i bet if i bribed them with goldfish crackers and ice cream they'd let me window shop for tutus and shoes with glitter for my 'what if' daughter elle.

and that sounds f'ing crazy. 

and this is why i have boys. now, i can't speak to having a daughter, but what i have noticed raising sons is how literal they are. how much they live in the present. they are minimal. and they have zero appreciation for glitter. and when i get lost in my own head planning this, or worrying about that, they bring me back to earth, beckoning me to our living room floor where a big batch of legos lay scattered about and must immediately be formed into airplanes. as i soar back into my important role as mom and expert lego airplane maker, i temporarily forget about whatever was making me fret. it can wait but they cannot. and with that they really do keep my sane... when they are not driving me up a tree. there are plenty of those times, too. but mostly we make a great team. we balance each other out. my incessant need to be on top of everything all of the time vetoed by their boyhood. hugs in return are all i ask for and they have no problem giving all the snuggles. and let me tell you, their snugs are THE BEST.  

and speaking of trees, very soon, and perhaps before i am ready, the boys will grow big, strong, and confident enough to actually climb a tree. they will realize that their mama is a girl and that daddy is a boy. and inevitably i will have all kinds of boy problems thrown at me, to which i am clueless. because i am a girl. i speak TUTU. but us girls are smart. i'll figure it out. i can learn to speak boy. learn to harness their interests, and the unique challenges and privileges that come with being a young man. 

hopefully max + knox will continue to keep me from losing it as i navigate life as a mom of two boys. wish me luck? and stick around to see how i do, yeah?

to be continued...

xoxo,

reigning cheek princess